teenybitsad

i’m sad. so sad. but that kind of sadness that just feels kind of empty. like my chest is hollow and empty but heavy. really heavy. i don’t have a reason why my chest feels like lead. i don’t have a reason why i don’t hear my heartbeat. i don’t know why there’s a void that i just can’t seem to fill.

i’ve tried a lot of things o fill the void. i’ve tried learning a new language. i’ve tried witchcraft. i’ve tried watching tv for hours and hours on end. i’ve tried only listening to music and feeling and feeling. i’ve tried painting. i’ve tried writing. i’ve tried eating and eating and eating. i’ve tried getting to know people from different sides of the globe. nothing is working. nothing. i sometimes feel nothing.

am i nothing? i feel so insignificant at the best times and so significant at the worst times.

so so so sad. sometimes i wish i didn’t exist at all.